met him today. spare my day for him since dad is home.. hmm and i'm off... met him in de noon after his skool at amk hub. rot awhile had lunch n headed to his hse.. guess he havin headache.. den dun wan say.. when gg home den say..zzz.. den we took a cab back to his hm .. oh ya we bought a retro vampire show to watch as well.. haha den after de show guess we were both tired.. so we haf a mini nap.. til 6plus. hee.. n den we headed to bugis n had dinner.. after much discussion. actually nt much la. we settled at AJITAE!!! we always had tat for dinner when we at bugis..well nt exactly everytime la. but most of de time..hee. it was filling la. hee i was damn full...

while waiting for seats.... we had a mini photo takin session.but well. outside alot ppl seein abit shy thou. n he is wearin specs. he was so reluctant to take pic lo.. say wan image.. zzz ren shuai jiu shi shuai.. bu shuai jiu shi bu shuai.. so wif or wifout specs oso no diff de la. haha


it's us!

it's us!!


and it's us again!!!


haha den received a call frm ena.. haha so we decided to mit up wif her in town for midntie shoppin but apparently dere's nth much so walk ard den headed back to amk. haha juz bid ena gdbye, nic n i saw chris. haha rushin to pf hse.. haha guess she tryin to catch last train ba.. haha.. gd gf.. and as usual we walked hm frm central..it was nice la.. walkin wif him hand in hand. hee

sis ask mi tis.....

Ch!u Y3n says:
why quit leh
|! YeN says:
u all ask mi y dun wan quit den stay hm pei mama ma.. so i tinkin lo
Ch!u Y3n says:
up to u lor..u oso no really dun to work wat
Ch!u Y3n says:
then now she sick..u still work..then she alone at hm..so lonely
Ch!u Y3n says:
ok lor..she bluff me leh..say auntie cook dinner tomr for her..then i call and ask..she said mayb nt cookin
Ch!u Y3n says:
ok la,i gg slp ..very tired.. u dun tell her i coming tomr..i will call her then pretend to tell her to ask auntie nt to cook lor.


well.. i dun seems to haf much choice.. its juz de matter of time. so i tell her i still tinkin.. hmm she flyin to hokkaido on sun.. hahas.. she is richie rich. haha.

hmm.. sis actually called auntie up n spot check on my mama.. hahas...mama juz dun wan to tie down everyone.. but she is nt tinkin whether we will worry or nt.. she's gettin skinner n skinner day by day... and its onli her first chemo session.. imagine a few more to cum... n she is nt eatin much.. juz gt no appetite i guess.. i'm like her mother liddat everyday nag her to eat n eat.. i juz wan u to b healthy again.. happy again and naggy again..haiz y ixxit so hard le.. anyway goin to accompany dad to do scope on tues.. reason being.. my grandpa has stomach cancer. so i juz its still safer to do a checkup. i dun wanna see anyone else ard mi to fall sick... to undergo all tis crap... hmm.. so dear, if ur back hurts pls pls pls go get it check.. i'm nt tryin to b naggy.. askin u to eat medicine when u havin headache.. askin u to get u ur back checked or anything.. i juz dun wanna things to get too late.. takin my mama as an example i've learnt alot.. we shldnt take health so lightly. so yar. i tink u shld know la. i'm reallie nt tryin to lecture u.. juz IMHO...haha... i juz felt pretty heartache to see u in pain.. to see my mama sufferin..

was sayin bout my dad to ena n him on de train a lil.. haha told them my dad got affairs outside. haha noone believe.. but i got sufficient evidence rite? chris, ko n xuan. haha i blog bout tat before. hmm mayb ena u missed it. hee.. but well.. he is nt de main character.. ena, next time tell u more den u will know y i got my lappy.. hahas


.sad.heartache.

times for some updates... been thru ups and downs recently.. its so dramatic la.. i cant believe it either sometimes.. hmm..

ytd.. i set off frm town n my aim is amk.. unfortunately i hit on a expressway in which i gotta u turn back to de last bus stop i saw n took a bus back.. i followed de 132 route journey. all by wat i rmb.. hahas.. i nv got lost.. anyway i wasnt afraid either. coz i got my ezlink n money. so i could easily cab back if i lost my way.. and ya.. i walked like more den half of my journey hm tat when i took a bus it took mi like 10 mins n i reach my hse bus stop..haha i was pretty pro ar.. kinda down la. so decided to sort out my thots durin my long n lonely journey.. hmm.. okies.. de end. coz i dun wanna tok bout ytd anymore. it was juz nt rite.. bad day.. i'm juz down....

today was a much better day la.. thou i gotta sign in at 830 instead of usual 930.. had an early lunch today.. had a chop one n i went to get tis
for him.. wanted to get one sayin "i'm sorry.. i was sorry bout ytd quarrel.. i wasnt understandin at all..hmm.. but i couldnt find it la.. so tis is oso gd enuff i thot.. special boyfriend.. hahas he once got mi a special girlfriend..
on our very first week.. hahas.. den he once told mi.. he will onli gif mi gifts one de first week, first month , first years and den every 10 years , decades n all. hahas.. but luckily it didnt cum true. haha i receive nt many.. but yet quite a few gifts frm him.. hee.. blissful.. i'm contented... n coz of tis pics.. my mmc card got stuck in my com la.. n i tried my v best by takin it out.. so i took out de cover of my com n try all means to get it out.. hahas... i'm like a pro.. i oso got de aid of a torch light n a metal rule.. after much strugglin i got it down.. hee. yea

but time passes pretty fast for mi.. mayb coz i wasnt lookin at my watch til like hmm 6.. hahas.. coz he told mi his cumin to wait for mi at 6.15.. but wait n wait.. see no sign of him.. den ya.. so i knock off work onli at 6.55 liddat la. so shagged... so yup i got myself changed asap den met him outside shop.. he helped mi got my bag frm bugis.. thanks alot dear yea..hee.. n he oso got mi my top list favourite drink frm taka oreo ice blend wif pearl.. de best i ever had.. hahas.. n den off to amk.. we walked home la.. asked him if he wanna mit my sis n bro since i'm mitin them frm dinner downstair my hse. but he said he wasnt ready n will shy. den okie lo.. next time ba.. dun force u.. i tink i can understand de feelin... i often felt tat.. hahas.. alrites. durin dinner, bro asked mi tis question again.. "when u goin to stop workin?? u dun wanna stop workin n stay home accompany mama ??" a very good question tat i'm ponderin about as n when i can... i nid suggestion.. i got my suggestion frm him le.. how bout u girls?? i know its kinda unfilial if continue workin..


to dear : i'm sorry if i let u felt tat u r unimportant to mi. but de truth is u r reallie important to mi la.. each time we quarrel i feel de hurt double up.. i felt more hurt n heart ache each n every time.. n i can tell u i felt more of tis feelin wif u den anyone elses.. even zs.. i tink tis reallie prove u r so so so much important to mi den anyone else...other den my family... i nv had such a feelin again other den de breakup wif him.. u made mi had de feelin again.. de feelin of heartache. n i reallie can feel de ache.. no lie... mayb i dun put it thru my mouth to u.. but i hope u reallie understand.. we gotta minimise de quarrels.. hee.. sorry la.. =) hahas... anything to comments??

put on weight? i guess i haf.. hahas..

alrite.. my colleagues was tellin mi she gonna rom in sept.. n askin if she invite mi i will go... of coz i will la.. seein her gettin engaged. how could i missed it.. so i told her.. its so blissful.. but den she told mi tis.. its nt easy. its another phase of life.. dere's more commitment involve.. n i totally agree...so wat is commitment exactly???

com·mit·ment
–noun
1.
the act of committing.
2.
the state of being committed.
3.
the act of committing, pledging, or engaging oneself.
4.
a pledge or promise; obligation
5.
engagement; involvement

well how often do we actually commit ourselves into one.. hmm.. i tink most imptly is tat whether are u ready for it ba.. if u r nt ready.. nth counts... rite?? i hope they are ready n b xin fu... sometimes i tink.. if 2 strangers got to know each other.. n den in couple of months they got together.. and in a yr or 2, they decided to engage. hmm how much do they actually know each other... i juz tink its too soon.. like for example, sis n bro in law.. they know each other n together for like almost 9 yrs den they got married... for de 9 yrs of relationship, dere's ups n downs, deres break up n patch up.. but they knew they are de one for each other... they are stable be it in relatiobship, feelins or financially... isnt it great?? but like other cases like nic's bro.. he got to know his wife n together for like 2 yrs?? n got married they are happy as well... so am i supposed to say it depends on individual?? but for mi certainly i nid alot of assurance.. so i tink knowin each other longer would b a better choice for mi ba..

i'm a sensitive lil ger who tends to think alot.. hmm givin myself more troubles... a pessismistic but yet a lil optismisctic ger...i nv reallie like surprises.. coz seldom does de surprises surprise mi.. somehow i juz knew wats gonna happen... often, i discover secret or something tat wasnt meant for mi to know.. i nv like de feelin but still i couldnt control.. like de sayin " curiousity kills de cat".. n often i'm curious..curiousity nv fails mi.... but often de truth fails mi... sometimes i hope for white lies.. but its still lies.. nobody like lies.. but yet... i couldnt control myself.. i seldom open up to others.. i find it hard sometimes.. n i like to bottle up things in myself.. yes all by myself.. nevertheless i appreciate my gers for bein dere for mi when i nided someone to listen to my rants n complaints... thou we seldom mit up. but still we do often kip in contacts... i nided attention frm u... i wan to feel ur care so badly.. u asked mi "u dun feel it meh? " often my ans is i dunno.. coz i reallie dunno.. i couldnt find de ans for myself too..

often u lose control.. u lose ur patience n u flare.. juz like as much i lose my patience and i flare... we are both impatient la. haha...

sun meetin up wif de gers.. hope nth happen.. so can shun shun li li mit up wif them.. hee...

alrites.. lets see wat haf i done today.. hmm.. practically nth.. hahas.. woke up at ard 12... look at my hp.. hmm he hasnt msg mi.. most probably still slpin... so decided to drop him a msg.. juz afraid he is late for skool. hee den meanwhile i haf lunch wif dad.. mama had lunch already.. my aunty cooked fish porridge for her today.. somethin light.. so she can easily digest... so got hm.. listen to my dad preachin bout market shares.. SGX, DBS vickers and kim eng.. i reallie has gt no interest. or rather 0 interest. so juz listen for fun lo.hahas... i'm nt a risk taker... i wan a wanna lead a life without worryin bout money..i'm afraid if i had to go thru days in which i haf to worry bout money.. i dun nid to b extremely wealthy.. juz enuff to survive wif no worries would b gd.. so buyin shares is definitely nt my cup of tea.. in short, i'm kia si. hahas

watch 18jing bu jing.. de lastest episode 9.. seriously, i tink its kinda nice la.. something near to our age. our thinkin n all. hee. n its lame n funny. hee.. after watchin it i felt so tired so i proceed wif my plan. my aim of gainin back my beauty slp since i'm so deprive of it.. hmm.. so i slept ard 3 plus n work up at 6 plus..haha if de weather is nt so humid i guess i will continue to slp til i auto wake up lo.hahas but too bad. hee

did smth for him.. hee.. nt movie clip again but juz a simple pic.. consolidatin some of our pics .. hee

hmm went to work today.. time flew.. hahas it was so damn busy la.. hahas.. nth much to update bout work la.. well.. hmm zhishen pop by wif his mama n uncle. out of a sudden, i felt his mama was so so much more friendly den before.. his uncle is as friendly as usual... but him.. gettin more n more distant.. de moment he open his mouth n told to mi. i juz felt de distant.. his tone went low n our topic are so restricted.. hmm well he had changed or mayb i had changed... =)



so shall update bout wat i did today.. haha kinda pround of myself.. for de second time i did a movie for him usin windows movie player.. haha de first time was on our first month.. n today its nt 3rd mth but 100days... haha... it was a surprise.. send him de big file video thru msn 5mins before 12am. so tat he can watch it as de clock strike 12.. haha.. time missed a lil la. but still he was caught in surprise. haha.. anyway i juz hope u like it la.. hee...



well.. he met mi after work at orchard mrt den pei mi back to amk.. thou onli til amk hub n i took a bus hm myself i still appreciate.. he met hc to rot at amk n i went hm for dinner.. sis n bro came over to see my mama.. well.. before i set off to work today i ask mama how she is doin.. she say she felt weak n no appetite.. hmm seems like de signs are cumin out rite now..nt v gd.. so when i got hm i ask her again how is she doin.. she tell mi de same thing..no appetite.. n i told her no appetite oso muz eat abit ma.. if nt whr got energy.. u sure feel weak ma.. den she say she got eat.. den okie lo.. i oso cant do anythin liao.. she will b fine i guess.. i hope...



havin cramps... zzz i seriously dun like it... mayb next life b man. hahas lesser worries.. hahas... sianzation... tml off so i shall rest n slp more.. i'm so deprive of slp la.haha.. i wanna get back my beauty slp.. hee

tis is wat we do when we haf nth to do at hm... hahas

take photo...

and

act cute.. .haha

hmm... ytd nite slept ard 4am(told koko bout de story!!!)...zzz n mornin woke up bout 11am. i set moi alarm so as to nt to b late to mit koko.. but moi dearest koko overslept. luckily clever yen yen gaf her a mornin call.. if nt yen yen will b waitin for koko at amk mrt impatiently at amk mrt. haha.. smart move rite?? koko praised mi too.. hee.. so i got myself prepared n waited for koko's msg patiently while watchin wei xiao pasta.. haha.. den came 12.05 my hp rang (YOU"VE A MESSAGE!!!)... n its non other den koko.. haha so we met up n landed at bishan for present hunt. haha got el a wallet.. put a $5 note inside.. its de balance of de budget la.. but anyway, gif ppl wallet as gif inside muz put $$ oso.. so juz nice lo.. i dunno de particular reason la.. but yar.. haha.. so after everything is done we made our way down.. haha reached at ard 2 pm. we thot we were super late.. but okie la.. all his relatives arrive n for de gy ppl.. we were de second lo.. hahas dal n gf reached like slightly earlier den us. haha.. so we practically did nth much lo.. we had buffet for lunch den followed closely by cake cuttin session.. n den into de room we haf our all time favourite mahjong session.. hee...


after tat bout evenin time, took a cab down frm el hse to nic hse.. hahas.. i promised to mit him up.hahas.. hmm yup..
to nic: hmm i did a couple of bad things. haha Number 1. i was angry ytd so i deleted off ur link n pic frm my blog.. so yar.. n Number 2. i was angry ytd so i deleted our pic in friendster n i changed de status to It's complicated.. hee. so if u dun mind u can help mi change back again...(i told koko wat i did. she say i v bad. i admit. but still.. hahas ) and hor.. ytd when u came searchin for mi... i saw u walkin passed twice.. but yet i did nth.. i was juz too upset.. it was my secret hidin place.. so til i see de time. i guess i'm out for more den 1 hr liao.. so i decided to head back to my under blk.. givin u another chance.. wif within de next 30mins u still cant find mi den i shall go home slp.. juz nt fated.. but luckily u found mi.. yes under my blk but nt my hidin place... i appreciated thou...

promised mi u will nv leave mi k??? =)
i nv wanna lose u....

issue 1
ytd.. dad was tellin mi n sis bout how he is gg to get his will done up la... sis laughed n dad got serious.. so clever yen juz kept quiet n listen lo.... in any of de case... my dad's assets will b split among de 3 of us la.. my sis, my mama n i..equally... so now dad has a joint account wif sis, a joint account wif mi and once my uncle pay off de debts to my dad regardin de condo.. my dad will haf a joint account wif mama.. so all no nid to worry so much. n regardin de hse.. in any of de case he left before mama.. he hope we take care of mama.. de hse wanna sell or wat he dun care.. coz its already paid off totally liao.. n dad tell mama to get her's done oso.. haha den mama say got ar. she has joint account wif sis n wif mi.. haha.. here cum de interesting part.. so sis was sayin den dun sell de hse let mama stay lo.. but den like wat dad say.. how is she gg to stay alone in such a big hse. okie la.. nt v big. juz a normal 5 room flat..hahas.. pretty thru lo. cant expect her to stay alone when she is so old rite.. so i had a chat wif him regardin tis issue... he say he is find with either stayin wif his parents , wif mi onli or wif my parents.. haha.. but hor i thot we could all stay together. wont it b great?? but apprently i tink it would b hard. to get ppl wif diff habits to stay together.. hahas.. he agree too.. so i tell him. den we buy de hse next to each other.. den de common wall we build a door..haha.. like so cool hor de idea. but den $$ wise. nt v advisable le... hahas

issue2
alrite DAY 2 after chemo... mama seems okie to mi.. no side effect frm nausea yet. mayb is de medicine helpin her... well hair loss nt visible yet. its a gd sign.. but seriously i dunno how long will de side effect occurs... so still gotta wait.. decided to b a gd ger n skip xuan bday n pei her.... my duty la.. so tml to el bday tink i will apologise to xuan again.. SORRY!!! .... my mama got my aunty (stayin juz one floor down , real relative... for those wun dunno) to cook for her lunch n dinner. its gd la... since she cant cook n i cant.. n my aunty is a great cook.. y not.. its healther oso rite. hee.. hmm so dad givin them $500 a mth... they refuse to take at first . sayin juz one more ppl only. but still its nt v nice.. anyway, de benefits of being a civil sevant is damn gd man.. haha... lets see ar.. mama bill at ttsh sum up to $8k plus.. nt a single cent paid for my side yet.. mama chemo therapy at kks each session sum up to $1200.. dunno how many session to go.. but still nt a single cent paid yet.. mostly can b claim usin de csc card m medisave or medisure or even insurance. so now de medical fee nt v of de issue.. yup.. now de spendin my family haf is de tonic for my mama.. a teaspoon of birdnest every mornin n every nite before she slp, de hats she bought n de wig.. oh ya n dad parkin fees.. tat all ba.. haha.. anyway dad refrain mama frm gg out.. best is stay hm so guess she is pretty bored la.. haiz..

issue3
was havin conversation wif my colleague aka my big sis or lao da at work...she is non other den YY.. haha.. everytime i see her she will ask mi after work gg whr. den i will tell her go home.. den she will say nt meetin nic meh.. den i was like hmm. but my mama more impt le.. den she will ask huh liddat u no time pei him, he wun angry meh.. den i told her tis "if he will b angry n mind den he is nt being understandin ma.. coz wif now my mama condition he shld know i nid to take care of her.. n if he doesnt den wats de point?" den she say orh ya... den on wed, nic came store to pick mi up.. yy ask mi again. he gg ur hse ar?? i say no ar. den he cum down for wat? den i say cum pei mi back amk lo.. den she ask again y cannot go ur hse ur parent dunno yet.. den i say ya dunno yet.. i dunno how to tell them yet le.. further more my mama liddat... but her point of view is tat we are already so old le 21 liao. my parent shld feel happy ma.. but i suppose is de family background diff ba.. my parents would certainly wan mi juz to concentrate on my studies first before anythin else.. coz my studies real bad. n hor now i'm so worried if i fail any mod n i gotta retake is will b another sum of $$.. another burden to my family expenses...

to him... really thanks for being so understandin.. even when i throw my tantrum u are oso okie wif it. hahas.. we spent quality time rite?? hee.. sometimes i juz wonder how long all tis will last?? hopefully nt juz de honeymoon period ba..hahas

wat did i do for de whole day(THURS)???

de ans is SLEEP!!!!

set alarm at 820am... supposed to wake up n accompany my mama to de hospital for de chemo session.. but i overslept... n i seriously dunno y would i overslept when de nite beofre i slp at ard 12.. hmmm.. n guess wat i woke up t 12 today... yes n i slept for solid 12 hrs... when to amk hub to mit him for lunch since he is in skool today... my eyes could hardly open.. zzz.. dunno y still... so after lunch n walkin ard i went home n "poof" onto my bed again n from ard 3pm i sleep til 430pm.. den i heard doors openin.. n i drag myself out of de bed.. my mama is back wif my papa..hahas. well she look alrite. but i supposed de side effect wun take effect so fast ba... so tml i shall stay home pei her again lo.. its my duty afterall.. yup..

so met up wif him n we was talkin bout de tw trip la.. i was askin him if he got safe enuff $$ to go ma since he nt workin liao.. den he say gt ar.. but he continued " u still wanna go meh?".. i was like.. hmm but we paid so much liao. den if i dun go u oso cannot go. den ur share will oso b forfeited.. i seriously will certainly feel guilty bout it la.. den he was sayin "alot meh? we can always earn it back".. but i feel $300 over isnt little.. so i tink i will consider again ba.. we see how de situation go ba...

skipped work today... accompany dad n mum to kk to get de results... but apparently dere's no result.. de doctor juz tell mama to eat so pills tml nite n get prepare for thurs chemo therapy.. well.. they even recommend mama to get wig.. wah lao la.. tink she nt sad enuff ixxit.. bish.. so ya.. my eyes juz constantly filled wif tears la... tinkin tat she is goin to undergo such pain... so dad ask mi to stay hm on fri.. but fri is xuan bday... high chance i wun b able to make it. drop koko a msg n xuan a msg.. i know she's goin to b disappointed... mi n nana couldnt make it.. but i hope u understand.. i know u will understand de.. nt tat i dun wanna go.. i deadly wanna go celebrate ur bday wif u.. coz is ur 21st.. but a part of mi keep tellin mi tat i should b stayin home takin care of my mama.. as a duty of a daughter.. since dere nth much i can do other den takin care of her n b dere when she nids mi..

To : xuan.. real sorry.. i'll treat u to a meal sometime next week or next next to compensate okie?? sorry...

i actually broke down at his hse today... juz before dinner... n juz in time his mama came knockin on de door askin us out to eat dinner...haiz.. i control la.. but still.. sad la.. i'm juz weak... so PLS GIF MI STRENGTH!!!

so sis was askin mi nt to work on thurs n pei my mama on thurs for de therapy.. i know i shld la.. afterall i'm juz a part timer... so ya tml i go back n try askin them if i cld. n probably ask them if i can dun work next week... if they say cant den most probably tenderin will b my onli solution.. my mama is still no1... n i muz say tis.. mama now weigh on 53.8kg.. she weigh herself ytd or so was like 54.5kg... she is losin weight every now n them la.. dun wan to eat la.. dunno wat to say oso.. i say wat i can liao.. everyone is so so worried for her la... but actually i'm pretty afraid tat if i go wif her on thur den if i see how torturin de session is i scare i will cry again.. i'm juz so easy n gd at cryin la.. like a water tap on n cannot turn it off... is dere anyone who actually understand my feelin???

oh ya n hor.. today at kk when went to gynea cancer section la.. n dad told mi dat de tumour in mama body is like cancer coz its simply too big. n they actually dunno de actually level of risk.. so de feelin is even more sucks when i heard tis...

sad sad

oh ya took tis pic in de mornin. hahas.. wakin up seein my poor RABBIT slpin beside is so cute la.. she got a name call "pinky".. she used to b pink la. but now.. erm... my all time favourite.. cant slp wif out it man.. thanks sis for buyin her 10 over years ago for mi.ahaha


den met him at amk ard 3 plus.. pei him go eat kfc n we rot ard central.. got myself a cap.. i wanted one badly tat fit my head.. usually its either too big or still juz too big..hahas tis seems alrite to mi. ya so brought it hm...

den met up wif koko n had dinner at new york new york. hahas.. finishin wif candy floss. haha dats one thing good eatin at nyny coz got free candy floss.. hahas... den shop ard for xuan present. got her a watched. i wanted to post de watch pic up la. but tinkin if xuan u visit my blog before ur bday den u wun b surprise receivin it liao. so shall post up de pic after ur bday okie? hee...

oh ya i muz say tis.. haha while watchin ard amk hub we found out dat cathay was officially open la. so we decided to catch a movie. hee so we bought de ticket for fantastic 4 silver surfer at 945.. haha should haf got de 910 slot. but still i enjoy de slackin time wif koko.. upon hearin dat fuwen incident... it was a LOL incident la. but he is reallie too much.. koko, yen yen ting ni... haha.. de movie was nice la.. n silver surfer is juz so cool i like him thou.hahas short movie but still i like de endin... hee

silver surfer.. so shuai n cool... hee

acting innocent?? i'm sorry but u failed badly. hahas

anyway, happy 3rd mth la.. ahaha.. it slip off my mind tat we supposed to go sentosa at de instance i told koko i free to go hunt xuan pressie. haha... onli when i'm bathin den i suddenly recalled. hahas. sorry ya.. but still i know u wuldnt mind la.. u so understandin rite.. PHEW!!! (it was close!!). haha kiddin la... yes i agree like u said.. tis month was pretty tough we got a couple of squabbles(did i got it spelled correctly??).. now u know my temper nt gd le rite. see u still dare to test water ma.. u still can la provide u wan another 1times jialat jialat lo. hahas... i guess i supposed we both felt love more le ba.. hahas..

alrite currently i nid some help here... i plan to skip work tml to pei my mama go see doctor at kk.. to get her results. which means i gotta wake up early to msg my frenz to help mi tell de incharge. n hor.. hmm wake up before they leave home.. ya.. tats nt de main but de main part is bout my job ... as u all know la once mama start her chemo.. she will b pretty weak.. so practically she nid someone to take care of her n hmm i dun tink she wan a maid.. like wat sis say.. livin wif a stranger is nt easy.. n certainly i agree wif her.. n i tink i got a hint frm my sis.. she once asked mi tis " u still wanna continue to work meh?"... but dad oso once tok mi if i wanna work can la juz work lesser.. but i know as a daughter i muz do my part to take gd care of her.. hmm.. n currently alot of ppl tender at gio.. so i tinkin if i shld tender as well.. n i muz reallie say tis. mama is so pessimistic la.. she even got herself a hat.. prepared for de chemo.. n when i saw her today i asked her " got blood test again ar?(coz i see her hand got plaster)" den she ans mi tis " yes lo.. my blood goin to let them take finish liao") so sad la... i still tink i cant do much... juz hope she is fine la..

sad

hmm.. lazy to update ytd.. was tired.. hee.. went to work in de mornin. pretty busy. did cashierin again.. zzz shortage $10.. sianz dao max... a perfect 10 bucks. nt a cent more or less... den met him at town.. tabao bk back his hse n eat n wat dvd.. de once which i bought frm jb. hee.. de yang cheng lin show. hee.. but de disc bu zhen qi. so we missed de back part abit coz kip jammed up. zzz. haha...reached hm bout 12 plus.. reallie tired n shagged.. sat infront of de com awhile.. den *poof* on my bed n slp.. hahas.. woke up in de mornin n see no one at hm. so i called my mama n she is at kk wif dad for some check up lo.. haiz.. mama is nt doin well.. nt of any better... sad.. but at least dad is doin his job so at least contented.. sis told mi she got de hat for my mama liao.. i still feel pretty sad upon hearin tis la.. she juz gonna suffer.. everytime ask her go medical checkup.. den she dun wan.. say okie go for wan.. see la.. now too late liao la.. say her den she nt happy. now liddat even more nt happy.. seein her losing weight day by day n mi gainin weight day by day.. i juz feel more update... haiz..

meetin up koko later go see xuan bday present.. hmm.. dunno if mitin him le.. he seem to b still in bed.. 1 plus liao still in mind.. zzzz

once again i'm a gd ger today.. went to work in de mornin.. n hmm had dinner wif my family at jin zhen... dinner was okie la.. waited for kinda long til my complaint queen sis blew up.. hahas... bo bian my sis ultimate one. hahas.. overall de food is nice.. hee...

but........
i gotta say tis v say thingy here... my mama went for check up at kk today.. so durin my break i called hm n ask how is she.. all she tell mi is no good.. how am i supposed to understand wat is no good.. til i met my family for dinner.. dad was sayin he was tinkin of hirin a maid to do de household chores n hmmm take care of my mama... so we wouldnt b so tied down oso.. juz like wat dad expected... worst case scenerio.. mama couldnt go for operation.. de tumour is simply too big.. so all she can do is go for chemotherapy.. its pretty sad.. i feel my heart achin and my eyes juz went red n filled wif tears.... dad ask mi try to work less n pei my mama more. coz after de chemo she will feel v tired... sad la.. mama is nt happy at all.. she ask sis if she know whr to buy wig n hat n all.. coz she know her hairs is goin to drop due to de therapy. ya.. so sad lo..

to de gers... i'm afraid it will affect my trip to tw seriously.. but i try nt too. coz it will nt onli affect mi but also him..

to u.. i'm afraid i may nt haf as much time to spend wif u n pei u.. even if i'm workin less... hmm i know u will understand de.. but still.. i juz hope it wun affect us.. =]

went JB today wif zhen yuan...he drove... safe n sound alive n kickin. hee.. we wasnt being rob n de car is still back in sg. hahas.. nt of any worst case scenario.. din buy much oso.. juz a couple of show n hmm DUNKIN DONUTS.... we had seafood for dinner.. hee crab, stingray n egg.. we could barely finish la.. 2 ppl onli eat so much. hee... den ard 8 plus reach sg.. msg him.. n went to town to mit him up.. i muz reallie thanks zy for drivin mi to town... met him, mm n hc.. hahas.. walked ard town n we settle down at tis 24hrs cafe at cine.. n we had ice cream....

artic eight.. yes we had 8 scoope could juz barely finish...

we are juz bored.. while waitin for hc n mm go to de washroom...

eating waffles ... u see de waffles??? NOW U DUN!!!

NOW YOU SEE IT!!! HAHAS

we are goin to eat tis YUM!!!!

koko said tis to mi.... i like it when u say u love nic.. so sweet.. hahas. so to koko.. i love u too.. so sweet oso rite. hee...

to de irritant.. i juz simply cant understand y is dere such irritatin ppl livin in tis world.. ask him dun msn mi.. he still msnin non stop... well i juz dun gif a damn.... u are juz peanuts to mi... u can say all u wan bad bout mi. but i juz simply dun gif a damn... u may juz enjoy disturbin mi. but once again. i dun gif a fuckin damn... u can say i childish, low class or cheap. but u are juz simply double... i asked u to fuck off and stop msnin mi. but u still continue. so freakin thick skin la.. haha nv seen any thicker liao... block him on msn.. he can drop mi a sms juz to say wat i do was an childish act... now dunno who's de childish one.. n to those who dunno tis is my JC klassmate TAY LIANG KIAT... a guy doin all tis stuff.. i thot onli girls do it. but apparently not.. tat y i always say guy are always FAN JIAN... haha n mayb tat y he is always single n available.. even he say he is a loser when josh got a gf.. at least josh wun do such stuff... sorry josh for such comparison... compare u wif a FAN JIAN guy.. sorry ....

WAITING N WAITING IS SO DAMN F*CKING FUN!!!

MY BLOG SONG!!!!


翻开一本旧日记
记载着一段旧恋情
每段都那么的甜蜜
往事历历在这里
曾看过多少的风雨
曾说过要到哪里去
曾做过觉得傻的事
爱过在这城市里

昨晚下了一场雨
让我忽然梦里见到你
躲在某个地方哭泣
好想紧紧抱着你
有一次从朋友口中听到你消息
我的心都在发抖
你是否孤身一人
我不停追问

分手两年后我还是想着你
多久没有见过你
现在你住在哪里
只怕有一天我们都会老去
只想留一点回忆
能够让我们依靠

我在一个咖啡店
透过玻璃窗往外望
你的人影无所不在
无心无魂的想你

为什么人总要等到失去才珍惜
我来不及想告诉你
要永远不分离



when i first heard it.. i find it meaningful... lookin back at my old blog.. all bout zs... n i tink twice again.. yes we broke up 2 yrs back.. hahas... den i chance upon tis phrase in de song "为什么人总要等到失去才珍惜" n i find it so real.. it juz hit mi back to reality... it happens to most or everyone i supposed.. well at least it happen to mi n to nic... we both lost someone we reallie love last time round. n at dat time we thot we could cherish them once again if we had de chance of gettin them back into our life.. but it didnt turn out rite.. n now we got together... we both knew we wun make de same mistake again rite???dun tell mi no.. if nt u will get anothe 1time jialat jialat...

now ena is addicted to de song too.. its juz simply so nice la. hahas.. wanted to send her online.but she already got it... haha chop..hee

home n bored!!!

dere's practically nth i can do ... other den sittin infront of de com... plain bored... hahas.. juz den i tink back y did i fall out wif my jc klass peeps.. mayb we juz dun clique sometimes... i seriously cant imagine he came msn mi jux to tell mi he dun wanna see mi in any klass outing as long as he attend.. zzz.. do i look as if i reallie wan to join de klass dat badly?? apparently nt.. i can skip if i wan too...

to ch : i'm sorry... holdin u back for so long....forcing u to join de klass.. i din expect u hated de klass tat badly... n now finally u decided on wat u wan n let mi off ur mind. hahas.. at least we still occassionally chat in msn... situation still nt as bad...

to ryan : i'm sorry... i din know de rejection was so uncleared to u... n now u got it clear.. we drifted apart.. no more chats no more supper no more outings...

to her : i tink u juz simply misuse de trust i had in u....

tinkin back once again. it seems like i'm de cause. n yes i'm de cause.... friendship seems so vulnerable to mi...

hmm... been a gd ger today... packed my notes lyin ard in my room n sis room... all up de cabinet.. haha.. mama borrowed a mini ladder frm my neighbour.. hee... den i had lunch wif my parents nearby... den went hm n waited for courts ppl to cum... hahas.. n den ard 2pm my hse ever first washing machine entered our doorstep.. haha.. went amk central wif mama to get some stuff... help her carry those stuff. so many lo she buy. if i nv go dunno how she carry back. n furthermore is she banned to go out by my dad. so secretively we went amk.. haha.. send my mama home. n ard 430 i left to amk again for a hair cut.. hmm pretty short... my fringe.haha a bit kuku. but nvm la. haha new look. hahas.. den took 130 to his hse... hmm... den we left for his aunt hse for dinner.. haha so shy la.. at de same time feelin a little guilty to leave my mama at hm alone. so i bought steam peanuts home frm de pasar malam near koko for my mama.. her favourite. so she finished it all.ahha

haha he went for a hair cut too.. hmm nt bad.. but he say is a ah gua cut for him..zzzz.. he even act out de scenario fr mi..zzz.. haha apparently his outlook after de hair cut still okie le.. but wat happen to mine. haha.. he look at my ho n saw i changed his name to NICHOLAS ... haha den he ask mi y.. all i can say is whu ask u wan make mi angry. haha.. i will change back de la.. i initiatly change our pic folder frm "in love wif u" to "meaningless".. but i changed it back too. haha so ya i will change back de... i love him more after his thai trip. though we had a couple of quarrel.. but still i love him more.. mayb is de quarrel tat brought us closer ba.. hmm i dunno le. is de feelin... de hugs are more secure... mayb coz u trained n u are more well build compare to before.. haha but u are nua-ing back... i love hugs.. it juz make mi feel so much more comfy... so much more "u r here wif mi".... do u feel de same??? or u feel otherwise??? how often u felt love??

mama boil bird nest today... each had a cup. too bad sis n bro dun haf.. haha..

ALRITE.. went to far east after work today to check it out my little miss notti. no more green.. so i got tis color instead.. its nt cheap la. it coz mi $45. i find it abit she chi.. or rather v n ex. but i reallie like it. haha... anyway already buy liao.. regret oso too late liao. bo bian liao.. i still like de green one as much. but i guess reallie no stock of tat le..

little miss naughty!!!

accompany him home.. we walked frm far east to farrer park... yes... u nv see wrongly.. we walked.. haha n i walked him home. haha... time passes pretty fast whenever i'm wif him..haha oh ya got myself a denim shorts as wel... i'm machiam on a shoppin spree la. spendin all my hard earn $$ again.. wonderin my tw trip how le.. hmmm puzzled... plannin for my next week schedule i realize xuan bday cumin so is el bday.. i dunno how to plan my work sometimes.. i cant work on de 18(our 3rd mth), 22(xuan bday celebration), 24(el bday celebration) and 25(100 days)... hahas so many days is a NONO.. hahas

tml gotta pack my room. haha my notes are still lyin on my table.. see i'm a lazy ger.. tml gotta wake up n pack before de delivery of washin machine. haha pretty excited.. ever first washin machine in my hse. haha... next time washin of clothes can b done so much more easier. hee...

ytd had a tough fight.. i guess i won de battle.. coz in de first place i dun tink i'm at fault at all.... we agree to make peace. n mit up today.. n i woke up n wait n wait til i abit sian liao i drop him a msg see if he is awake.. den he say he wanna cum amk find mi den i okie lo... wait n wait again.. den i see de timin.y so long. den msg him again he told mi he q-ing for money changer.. zzz PISSED... so i tell him can dun cum liao. by den u cum dunno wat time liao.. den he replied sayin heat farrer park liao n later at newton liao den i leave my hse.. den as usual took a lift down n saw him at de lift... heng ar. he appeared at de lift.. if he appear at amk mrt he die liao... n he went to buy baby pooh n eeyore to cheer mi up... hmm...

but i dun tink u reallie zhi cuo le coz is ZHI CUO n not ZHI CONG!!!!!! anyway i guess i was reallie fierce ytd... n he was shock.. coz he nv see n hear mi usin de word F*ck but i used it on him ytd... but blame it on whu...

went to watch shrek3 at jubilee... a short short movie onli 1hr30mins.. den we went TM to meet up wif our frenz.. n i decided to gif chris a shock. haha surprise her at her work place. haha she was shock.haha but okie la.. brighten up her day.haha.. been a long long time since i travel frm amk to tamp.. to n fro.. de feelin is so diff now. hahas... i haf no held back..

while holdin hand in hand walkin at tamp. he asked mi tis "wat if u saw zs here? wat will u do? will u go say hi if he nv see u?" my reply was i will go say hi ar. still frenz ma.. coz i felt he no longer haf any effect on mi liao.. past tense will always be past tense.. now i dun tink of him... i tink of u more den anyone elses... he nv cross my mind...i nv msn him until he does tat to mi... coz i know my piority now.. is u n nt him.. UNLIKE YOU.... often tinkin of somebody else... still gif a hell lot of excuses.. zzz turn off la.. wat if its mi tinkin of somebody else... how wld u feel u tell mi la... sometimes i juz cant stop tinkin of tis... cant stop tinkin of u hidin de truth frm mi...mayb tat gif mi de liberty to do day as well. but i know if i do tat its reallie childish.. i'm juz simply disappointed... real disappointment...

and to de girls.. i reallie appreciate u in my life.. dere for mi.. i enjoy de tok ytd.. rant n gossips... chit chat session can b so much more fun den shoppin sometimes.haha.. love u girls to bits n pieces.haha... mit up more often okie..hahas ..

first u lied to mi.. hidin truth frm mi.. if i nv ask i supposed i will nv know...
second u choose movie over mi.... thanks..

u know i'm unhappy but u still choose movie over mi... u know i'm walkin home alone u did nth.. even koko know how to say its late.. u did nth.. wtf la..

mama is back home... hahas.. at de same time she brought back a bagful of medication n jabs... she gotta take jab herself twice daily.. hmm i will nv b able to do tat.. i hate jabs... she lost quite a few kilo i supposed.. frm wat i see la.. hospital food is still hospital food... anyway she is back n i'm glad. but den 2 weeks later i supposed she will b at kk liao... haiz..

dad mum sis n bro had dinner ytd at amk... din wait for mi la. so sad.. i off work late.. so i juz mit them at amk go home lo... slept early ytd.. i'm real tired la.. slpet beofre 1130pm lo. hahas so long nv slp so early liao.. n i woke up ard 12.. hee.. had migrain no choice but to drag myself up...muz b ytd hair nt dry den i go slp... zzz..

tinkin if i shld go pick him up at de airport still.. xuan told mi if i will face black black n dun really wanna tok juz dun go. wait for him to cum find u.. but de prob is.. tink he will meh... hahas.. i doubt so ba.... den i tell xuan but if i dun go he will b cumin back alone like so poor thing.. den xuan tell mi tis " i know ur pattern one la.. u is either decided liao or decidin. den juz wanna ask us see if our ans same as urs.. den u decide".. haha yes lo its so true.. coz i reallie dunno shld or shldnt so ask u all to double cmf. haha... my girls juz so know my pattern..do u??

mama cumin hm tml... n den wait to admit to kk for operation.. hmmm everything is goin well for mama.. hope by den tw trip she will recover fully... i dun wanna go enjoy n she's home in pain.. so unfilial la.. so ya. knowin tat she cumin back tml.. i hurry home n do finish de household chores before she kills n tml. hahas..

i tink he juz doesnt care how i feel sometimes.. well doesnt matter.. well like wat he always say " watever i do to him, he will apply it back on mi..." so now watever he do. i will oso do de same thing back... fair n square... n slowly we will find we wont work... wanted to go pick him up at de airport on sun before meetin up wif my girl(prolly).. but he said if i'm still liddat can no nid go he can go home himself. so i tink i can no nid go liao..wtf... for wat i go... time passes pretty slow durin work today.. i went into de store couple of times to check my hp to see if he send mi any msg... havin de risk tat petter lau will see de cctv in hk catchin mi.hahas or any heads up dere. but well i dun reallie care much...

did we got together at de wrong venue wrong timing?? did everything came too fast tat actually u or rather we arent prepared at all?? do u reallie know wat u wan?? n do i reallie know wat i wan??? or is tat our perspective is juz diff??? i'm reallie worn out... nt onli workin n goin to de hospital n oso accommodating to u.... is my time management reallie tat bad dat all tis happen??? i'm workin lesser next week i tink i nid a break.. real tired.. i barely slp well each nite... i used to tink tat as long as both party are happy wif wat dey haf and de companion, dey will work out well.. apparently i tink not.. it still gotta consider alot of factors ba.. happy or nt doesnt reallie matter... wat do u tink???


anyway my manager is nice.. she is willingly to let mi work less.. but still i gif de minimum hrs required n weekends.. i do my part n she agree to all my request for shift.. can rest more next week. i tink i'm reallie worn out.. went to visit mama after work today at 3 plus. reach de ward i tried to push open de door but is locked. i got stunned den turn n asked de nurse. den she said my mama went for procedures.. will b back later. den i ask hmm bout wat time.. GUESS WAT.. she say 4plus. OMG lo i got 1 hr plus to rot. so i went to square2 to shop alone. sad.. hahas.. den bout time went back n she's back .haha.. lied on de sofa tis time round coz mama gotta b on de bed. hee. n i slept again.. yes.. for bout an hr.. n dad came tokin to my mama n woke mi up. zzz..

oh ya on de way home tat time. while waitin for cab i saw tis guy on wheel chair.. n his clothes got some blood stained seems like got in a fight.. a closer look. its CASSIDY on de wheel chair.. girls.. rmb him? our gy junior.. n i saw one more gy guy n shi xin(npcc jr) wif him... nt v pleasant to see tis... but ya. juz a update.hee

y cant i juz get wat i wan frm u le??? if i couldnt get it frm u urself i rather nt askin n knowin it......

It just seems too good to be true!!! sometimes?? or all de times??

went to work... wow.. 4 girls doin openin aint fun. but tats nt de point la.. hahas time passes pretty fast.. did cashierin today again. haha.. so ya. i tink today shld stop tokin bout work. coz work is juz plain work.. no life de..

so after work receive a call frm my sis.. askin mi to mit her up for dinner n pay my mama a visit.. haha as usual she was late.. n smartie yen managed to bluff sis to treat her to sakae sushi.. but sad to say both of us oso nt v hungry. we onli eat 6 plates n i'm damn full.. haha den went to see my mama.. darn tired.. slp on her bed again.. haha de nurse came in. i was pai sei la. jump out of de bed.. but i'm juz so damn tired.. hmm.. took a bus home wif sis.. shagged n tired. but i gotta do some house keepin like laundry n sweepin de floor.. i felt so uncomfy walkin ard my hse..haha.. mission done n here i am bloggin. hahas

he's leavin tml... hahas.. 3days la. nt v long but still....zzzz.... he send mi a msg like tis...

dear... sorry for those times when i failed my duty as a bf k?(i'm glad u know tat..hahas kiddin.. sometimes i wonder ixxit u failed or i failed. or ixxit de expectation wise) i will try to be better for u de( yes u better be) :) during my absence pls pls take great care of yourself k?(i will take care of myself de.. so big le. no worries) Drink lotsa water daily and most importantly have enuff sleep ya? i will be missing you badly(u better b missin mi or u will b dead.. hahas.. scare le rite..) til i return back to embrace you in my arms de :) i promise i will take care of myself too de so trust me k?( i trust u will cum back safe n sound, alive n kickin) hee.. hugs hugs.. wif lotsa love for ur dear bf :) lovin you always

my reply to u in bold. hahas...

visited mama today.. went down wif dad pretty early since i got no work... ytd dad told mi mum took a prelimary scan. n found somethin in her womb a lump. but nt v clear. so they took another more indepth scan n today doctor tell us is a lump tumor bout 6-10cm big.. so advisable is to do operation as soon as possible.. i can sense mama worried.. coz its real big.. nt MM but CM...zzz.. n mama haf a couple of prob..

firstly....
in order to do de opertation, mama has to stop de jab for some anti blood thickenin thing.. but if they were to stop de jab.. highly likely durin de operation or rather side effect mayb tat. den blood clog may flow to de heart n lung which is fatal.. and tis lead to a second prob...

secondly...
in order to prevent tis cloged blood flowin to heart n lungs, mama had to do a minor operation, which was done today liao (bout 1 hr operation) , to insert a umbrella liked filter at her arterilly..

lastly...
doctor are nt sure if de tumor is canerous or nt. so they had to do a further test.. blood test. coz doctor say some cancer can b detected thru blood test...

n so. my mama has to wait to b transfer to kk hospital for operation.. all is in progress. we juz gotta wait.. n ya. doctor say mama is a special case coz she dun feel pain.. usually ppl will feel pain. but wat i tink is wat she feel de pain juz tat she didnt say it out lo.. tats wat my sis n bro feel too.. everything isnt too late yet.. we gotta tink positive ya...


met up wif sis n bro.. together wif dad we had dinner at hans.. nth much thou. juz a simple lunch.. sis work frm home so she slack n escape out. n bro took leave. everyone is juz as worried.. coz de lump is real big.. bigger den my fist.. zzz...

supposed to watch shrek wif him n dinner wif his family. but hor.. i tink i shld accompany my mama more lo. so we skipped de movie.. so after visitin my mama.. i tink i shld gif him some surprises.. haha.. quietly i travel down to farrer park n walk to his hse.. waited outside his hse n gif him a ring to open de door.. but dat bad meanie dog opp sees mi n started to bark.. Zzz.. n it hide at one corner n spy mi. kip lookin at mi. haha.. so i guess he knows someone is outside lo. coz onli got ppl den de dog bark..zzz..anyway i wanted to cab down to his place de la. but tink of de $2 surcharge. den dun wan la. y wan let taxi uncle bluff my $$$. haha.. but i muz say de road at his hse dere is real hard to cross la. i waited for so so so long. next time i tink i better go de long way n cross de traffic light dun gei kiang liao.. haha.. dinner wif his family is okie la. nt first time liao so still alrite. haha but his bro is reall funni ar. so jovial(did i got it rite??).. after dinner went back to his hse. wanted to check if we could catch a later timin for shrek. but i guess we were both lazy. so we decided to push it to next week instead.. haha


n i muz say tis tat i'm extremely angry la.. took a cab home frm his hse.. wah lao. tis ah nei driver.. carrys onli a $50 note n two $2 notes...
i gaf him $50

ah nei : i got no change.. y u nv tell mi earlier i could bring u to somewhr to change money..
mi: how would i know u got no change
ah nei: u shld haf asked mi..
mi: HUH.. so every cab i board i oso muz ask ar..
ah nei: nt every...
mi: den??? nvm i pay by nets can..
ah nei: eh nets ar .. can..

damn it.. pay by nets i gotta pay extra $0.30 surcharge.. zzz.. luckily is contributin to my bro pays. so okie la.. hahas.. next time dun sit ah nei cab. but his area full of ah nei. how to nt le..ahahas....


he is gg bkk in few days time.. frm fri to sun.. muz take gd care of urself k... i try to skip work on sun. den i can go pei my mama den wait for u cum back den go pei u.. hahas..

work was tirin as usual.. my eyes almost couldnt open.. hahas.. work n work. time passes pretty fast as long as i'm cashier.. can no nid serve n face other ppl so shld b okie ar.. hahas.. sign out today wifout packin de store.. lucky mi.. headed to ttsh to acconpany my mama... haha pei her watch yuan dian n campus super star.. den i headed to novena to mit him. haha.. meanie mi ask him to cum novena pick mi up.. aha wanted to ask him cum ttsh de.. abit too much. so better not. hee.. den as usual we walked home.. we are both tired but still die die wan walked home.. tis is called gei kiang... hahas.. den went pasar maLam n he got con by auntie $8 in playin some bao jiae game.. cmf lose one i tell him he dun believe.. my prediction so accurate lo.. den we saw koko n her sis.. koko sis like so cheerful la.. kip laughin. haha.. den we bought some food n sit under a block n eat n chat... he seems bothered. but nth much i can do but juz givin him a tight hug..hope he feel a lil more comfort. hahas.. den cont our journey home.. hmm de kuku lift i always take tio jammed la.. so gotta use another lift. n when de lift door closes i saw tis.. haha

wah lao now a days still got ah long.. haha still put hp no. down.. hee

usin my lappy now. so got some long ago pics to update. hee
my 21st bday... as de clock strike 12.. he appeared wif a ice cream cake.. before we were together.. sweet rite. hee...


i like him in formal


but i like him even more in casual


hahas... juz saw tis 2 pic i stole frm his hp when we change hp. haha...

went to work as usual... i'm tired.. almost couldnt wake up.. drag myself out of de bed..prepare n off to work.. half mornin today. hee. time passes pretty fast.. hk n maggie passed by.. bought some clothings.. hk got himself a 50% skaters berms n i got myself a 50% black berms.. haha tinkin whether to get de white one.. ask him to help mi reserve.. hee tml den try again.. but maggie top i haven got it yet coz my store no stock n i call stc no one ans.. ask him to help mi follow up after his break. but i got tis 99.999% he will forget le.. hahas.. met ryan for lunch after work.he is in town.. went to eat at de hongkong cafe CENTRAL.. at taka.. well okie la nth much oso .den he fetch mi to ttsh.. he wanted to go visit my mama. i insisted NO.. mad one. hahas.. but thanks. u for de free ride. hee. we almost got lost once again. but we manage to figure our way down. hee.. his mama cum shop today... i tink sometimes its reallie gd tat she doesnt rmb my name.. hahas coz i off work liao den i tink he was havin break or wat. den his mama went to ask jay whr is nic n whr is nic gf.. haha stunned!!!. hahas.. so luckily she dunno my name.. is nt another round of scandals. hahas...

brought my heavy lappy out.. thot can use it at ttsh.. but WAH LAO.. their wireless nid to slot some card into de lappy la.. its for those ultra retro lappy.. my lappy too up liao. muz detect one cannot use. zzz.. so heavy lo... sianzation..

look at tis.... how true????

Friendship based on utility. Utility is an impermanent things: it changes according to circumstances. So with the disappearance of the ground for friendship, the friendship also breaks up, because that was what kept it alive.

Friendship based on pleasure. Friendship between the young is thought to be grounded on pleasure, because the lives of the young are regulated by their feelings, and their chief interest is in their own pleasure and the opportunity of the moment. With advancing years, however, their tastes change too, so that they are quick to make and to break friendships

because their affection changes just as the things that please them do and this sort of pleasure changes rapidly. Also the young are apt to fall in love, for erotic friendship is for the most part swayed by the feelings and based on pleasure. That is why they fall in and out of friendship quickly, changing their attitude often within the same day. But the young do like to spend the day and live to live together, because that is how they realize the object of their friendship.

met up wif sis n bro-in-law to visit my mama at ttsh.. hahas.. my sis n bro always late lo GGYH lo mi.. hahas but in return a free meal is fair enuff.. hahas.. visit my mama den my dad came.. he left hm early to the legal to sign some doc regardin de condo.. sellin it over to my uncle.. make losses but bo bian. they are brothers. hahas... den ask de doc bout my mama condition.. hmm blood clog in both legs.. nt v gd.. if nt taken care properly will b life threatening.. so my mama gotta stay in hospital for like at least 4 days.. hmm.. she nid to take some jab tat will haf side effect like bleedin..

left for work.. hmm dreadful once again.. step into store "WAH" i got a shock.. so many ppl la.. i sense danger.. hahas. but i stand at junior once again slack. haha but tis time i nv kip all de toys. i regretted nt doin so.. hahas.. i juz dun reallie like kids.. dunno y oso.. lifen told mi ch popped by. hahas but i nv see him.. mayb i was havin break.. den saw his msg after work tellin mi he popped by.. hmm.. workin tml again. but half mornin.. supposed to haf family dinner after work. but seems like it gotta postpone.. n so i'm free tml.. zzz mayb bring my lappy go ttsh accompany my mama since got free wireless.. wahaha... so jian.. hee

din reallie msg much wif him.. i was workin A shift n him 2-6 at nsq... he was workin when i was havin break... n before work i started my attitude again. tink he sense it.. n reacted back so din msg much. but i initiated my first step. msg him durin break ask him wanna meet mi after work. haha .. den ard 8plus i went in store to check my hp see if he reply.. haha he say okie ar.. so we met up at amk.. waited for him..zzzz.. if he know he gonna meet mi shldnt he plan his time better.. if nt can tell mi dun meet ma.. i okie one ar.. i supposed he read my blog n knew tat i'm down la.. so he gave mi a hug.. tight one.. its juz wat i wanted badly ytd... it was late but nv too late.. so i wasnt angry or moody.. feel so much more relieve wif de hug.. hee.. sometimes words can b left unspoken but nt actions.. juz a tight one n i felt so xin fu...

reflectin back... i tink is mi tat let him feel insecure in de first place dat result in him lettin mi feelin insecure.. hahas i'm so believe in retribution.. hahas.. wat i did to de others i will get it back.. mayb nt double but still gettin it back.. sometimes i thot being open to each other will solve so much more.. but tinkin twice mayb its de other way round.. it brings more trouble... i dunno le... sometimes i juz dun feel de care.. n sometimes i juz felt he is tryin to care.. hmm its juz all de "sometimes"...

EH GIRLS!!! MY COLLEAGUES PASS MI DE TAIWAN MAP LE.. SO WE CAN RECCEE WIF IT FIRST SOMEDAY OKIES??? haha

i'm sad.. i'm down.. i'm moody.. suddenly tink of mama she muz b lonely in hospital.. where r u when i needed u most?? nt of anywhr near.. enjoyin urself?? hmm. i juz couldnt control my tears... i miss my mama i'm worried... i miss u but i'm angry.... i juz dun sense de care!!!


"Torn"

[Verse 1:]
A part of me wants to leave you alone.
A part of me wants for you to come home.
A part of me says I'm living a lie.
(And I'm better off without you.)
A part of me says to think it through.
A part of me says I'm over you.
A part of me wants to say goodbye.
A part of me is asking why...

[Pre-Chorus:]
A part of me wants to leave.
But a part of me wants to be here with you.
And everytime I think we're over and done you do something to get me back loving you.
And you got me just torn.

[Chorus:]
Torn in between the two. (Oh yeah)
Cuz I really wanna be with you.
But something's telling me I should leave you alone. (I really want to be with you)
Leave you alone.
Leave you alone.
And you got me just torn in between the two. (In between the two)
Cuz I really wanna be with you. (Be with you)
But something's telling me I should leave you alone. (You alone)
Leave you alone.
Leave you alone.

[Verse 2:]
There were no issues when we started out.
It was cool.
It was everything that love's about.
But something happened.
Plus I'm feeling so burnt out.
(Cuz I can't understand you now.) Now oh
(I just can't understand you now.)
A part of me says it's all my fault.
A part of me says "he ain't what you want."
A part of me says to get my bags.
A part of me says I can't do that.

[Pre-Chorus:]
A part of me wants to leave.
But a part of me wants to be here with you.
And everytime I think that it's over and done you make me fall back in love.
You got me just torn.

[Chorus:]
Torn in between the two. (Between the two)
Cuz I really wanna be with you. (Be with you)
But something's telling me I should leave you alone.(You alone)
Leave you alone.
Leave you alone.
And you got me just torn in between the two. (Torn in between the two)
Cuz I really wanna be with you. (Really wanna be with you)
But something's telling me I should leave you alone. (Telling me I should leave)
Leave you alone. (Alone)
Leave you alone. (Alone)

[Bridge:]
So many times I... (I was ready to go)
So many times I... (Had my foot out the door)
So many times I... (I thought to give him a chance, thought he'd be a better man)
Now I'm sitting here and I'm so confused.
Cuz I keep fighting myself for you. (I don't know how much more I can take but I can't feel this way)
(You got me so torn)

[Chorus:]
Torn in between the two. (Oh yeah)
Cuz I really wanna be with you. (I really wanna be with you)
But something's telling me I should leave you alone.
Leave you alone.
Leave you alone. (But I don't know)
And you got me just torn in between the two. (Should I stay or should I go)
Cuz I really wanna be with you. (I don't know)
But something's telling me I should leave you alone. (You alone)
Leave you alone.
Leave you alone. (You alone)

And you got me just torn in between the two. (I'm torn in between the two)
Cuz I really wanna be with you. (I really wanna be with you)
But something's telling me I should leave you alone. (But I don't know)
Leave you alone.
Leave you alone.

[Repeat 3X]
And you got me just torn in between the two.
Cuz I really wanna be with you.
But something's telling me I should leave you alone.
Leave you alone.
Leave you alone.

wat a dreadful day.....

hahas.. msg him ytd nite before i slp. tellin him i felt insecure.. n his reply was 'up' lo..

" i tink u r reallie insecure wif mi ba.. hmm i can gif u 100% tat my heart lies wif u.. but can u?.. yes i admit i was bothered by wad my ex msg mi ah wanna share wif u de. i knew tat smth was botherin u ah. but i asked u so many times yet u refuse to share.. so hard to share things btw us ma??well i guess insecure is smth i will definitely work harder to make u feel more secure.."

well.. if u know deres smth botherin mi. den y dun u juz say le... if u wanna share u would haf done so even wifout askin mi la.. i dunno wat to say oso.. met him at amk to work... din tok much. mayb i was tired or mayb i juz dun feel like tokin lo.. i dunno oso.. juz no mood... set alarm at 1130am to wake myself up for work. but i woke up at 10 plus.. zzz..

went to work.. today sign in at 1pm instead of 2 pm.. 1 hr earlier.. meanin i earn extra $6 which oso meanin my legs suffer 1 hr more. haha.. did cashier today.. everything went well.. no error no shortage no excess n no voids. hee..time pass pretty fast.. onli when i gotta do my summary report ..haha i admit i sweat.. hahas edwin ask mi y my expression so terrible.. haha i look at him hopin for some help .hahas... so i decided to smoke my way thru. see tml briefin anything happen den i know liao. hee.. had break wif him.. haha we had mac.. dunno wat to eat so eat mac lo.. haha.. din tok much thou.. but still yar.. chris popped by wif pf.. n she happily pretended to b customers gg to pay $$ la.. i look up i saw pf, she knew she was spotted. hahas.. sis n cousin pop ped by as well.. hahas n cousin-in-law send mi home today.. no nid go public.. hee.. but i missed de chance of goin home wif him.. zzz. nvm lo. bo bian.. haha

mummy is hospitalized.. her leg nt v gd.. i tink is some blood circulation prob. sis told mi nid to go thru some operation. well.. i still nt v sure.. reached home dad aslp liao. hope she is alrite.. mayb tml before work go pay her a visit.. hee.. she gave mi so many task to do.. haha.. i hope i rmb. hee..

my legs are reallie aching.. hahas.. but tink of de $$ n tw trip . i muz endure.. hee workin tml again.. afternoon shift. i sensed i'm standin at junior.... nitemare